Am I body obsessed?

April 20, 2012 at 8:58 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment
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I’ve never had the best body image. It probably began when I hit puberty and BAM! hello, two ginormous thighs! I have always hated them, except when they proved useful (which was rarely.)

I also was a cheerleader for 11 years, which does WONDERS for self esteem when you can’t tumble and you don’t get onto varsity until your senior year. Don’t forget about those short skirts.

After that, I started to not give a crap about my body, concentrating more so on my studies. My weight stayed the same through college, except for senior year. I got sick, discovered I had IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and constantly got bloated.

Step in a number of other factors in the four years since college graduation: New work places, new work hours, new diet (vegan!) and then getting comfortable with the boyfriend.

I fully embraced my vegan lifestyle. With new developments in vegan foods, I got to enjoy the emergence of new fake meats, frozen dinners, melt-able non-dairy cheese and so much more. As vegans, we are constantly trying to prove that vegan versions are better than meat-filled versions, but somewhere in there the vegan versions are not better calorie-wise.

It is oh so good, yummy in my tummy, but absolutely horrible for my thighs!

And somewhere, in a matter of 8 years, I ballooned an additional 26 pounds! Yes, for my small 5’4″ frame, that isn’t so good. The boyfriend obviously said he didn’t care: “more to grab onto; you got curves, etc.”

With so many fit women around me on the blogosphere and a few good looking coworkers, my other examples in real life aren’t so good. The mom realized her bad ways and has tried Weight Watchers (lost close to 30 pounds!) My dad almost had his second heart attack and now is going practically vegan.

On Jan. 1, 2012, I realized that I need to eat better and I took the step to lose 30 pounds in a year.

I fill my Pinterest with toned, buff women and inspirational quotes. I try my best to get rid of the bad food (try, try!)

It has definitely been a struggle, and then it makes me think, “Am I body obsessed?”

I love who I am as a person inside. I am intelligent, thoughtful, caring, giving, loving. I am a pretty unique and special person, but my outer layer doesn’t express the same thing.

I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, and I could blame it on IBS (bloating, flatulence and bowel movements don’t make me feel pretty or well.) But I have felt this way since I was 12. Since I began wearing Adidas pants and big T-shirts to hide my weird body. Since I banned shorts except for exercise because I felt like a cow.

Do you have/had body issues? How do you deal with them, or have dealt with them? If you are a bit older, what advice do you have for a young women like myself?

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