The overwhelming season and unmet life goals

December 18, 2010 at 3:01 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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I know I have been M.I.A. for quite some time. I made Thanksgiving dinner and took pictures after my 5K. I even cooked something else that week and took pictures.

But that was almost 4 weeks ago.

I don’t know what happened. Seasonal depression because of lack of sunlight? Endorphin withdrawal because I haven’t exercised (not one ounce) in three weeks?

I want to apologize. I should have been blogging and engaging into life. Yet, I chose to barely push through the days, lucky if I got fully ready for work on time. (I was almost late quite a few times.)

But I am coming back and will fight off this urge to watch Netflix all day long, cuddled on the couch.

The holidays. I have fond memories of this time of year, yet as each new holiday season comes, that “glad tidings” feeling slips further and further away. I buy Christmas books to read; I make sure I listen to Christmas music. I look up Christmas recipes. But as each year comes, it feels less and less like the holidays.

I might just be saying that because I work Christmas Day. I work hard in my profession, usually giving up parties and events, even holidays. But so far, I didn’t have to give up Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Year’s …. until this year. I have been working so hard that by the time it reaches my weekend, I don’t want to leave the house. It’s too cold out and the Netflix entices me. I don’t want to make phone calls, or blog, or even bake!

But I am determined to push through this holiday and winter season and try my best to accomplish some goals.

Speaking of goals, I have been avoiding my iPod and the library-rented Italian CDs that I have for 2 weeks. Why? Because my cousin Rosita from Italy will be visiting around Christmas and I am ashamed to say I lost my Italian touch. But I am avoiding because of a lost dream.

I spent 4.5 glorious months in Milan and I really felt wonderful. I wished I was more fluent and I wanted to live in Italy forever. I didn’t have a plan for it, but I had so many amazing dreams before and during Italy. To possibly live in New York City or another metropolitan area. To use my Italian. To travel and smooze with top-notch people and “live the life,” as they say.

Well, that all changed the day I came home from Milan in May 2007. And last night, as I listened to Tiziano Ferro for the first time in possibly a year, my dreams came rushing back to me. What happened to my goals? Why am I not trying to live them out? How did I get so content in living a mundane life?

There had been a few reasons: battling my IBS, I needed whatever job available because of high student loan debt.

But that song got me thinking about what I want for my life and that maybe these changes weren’t so bad, they are just … different. And maybe I need to start taking life by the junk more often than it pushing me down under its foot.

That song got me back onto this blog, and we will see where it can lead.

What do you think about seasonal depression? Does it hit you or your loved ones hard? Or have you ever forgotten about a dream and buried it deep inside of you, and then facing it head on once you stopped avoiding it?

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